Introduction
Loving someone who struggles with addiction can be one of the most emotionally challenging experiences in life. You may feel neglected, ignored, and unimportant, despite all your efforts and love. The truth is, loving an addict is not easy. But understanding why an addict can’t love you can help you cope with the emotional challenges and heartbreak. In this article, we’ll explore the science and realities of addiction in relationships, including personal experiences, scientific studies, expert opinions, and practical advice for coping with the challenges in a compassionate way.
Personal Experiences and Anecdotes
Personal experiences can provide valuable insights into the emotional challenges of being in a relationship with an addict. Many partners of addicts feel as though they are not loved or valued, even though they may be putting in immense efforts to help their loved ones. The heartbreaking reality is that addiction can change the way someone connects with others emotionally. A person struggling with addiction may become consumed with their substance of choice, and pushing away the people who care about them most.
For instance, Jane (not her real name) shares, “My husband’s cocaine addiction took everything from us. We were once a happy family, but when the addiction took hold, it drained all the joy out of our lives. We stopped talking and connecting as a couple, instead of doing things as a family, we all watched him struggle with his addiction and suffer from the side effects. His addiction turned him into a different person, and it eventually tore us apart. He started treating me as if I was the problem when all I wanted was to help him. He even threatened and became violent during his episodes. The more I tried to help him change, the more he pushed me away. I felt completely powerless. His addiction stole everything from us, including our loving bond.”
These kinds of experiences are common among the partners of addicts, and they can severely affect their mental and emotional well-being. It is important to understand that these negative feelings are not a reflection of one’s self-worth, but rather the natural impact of being in a complicated and difficult relationship with someone who is struggling with addiction.
Scientific Studies on Brain Changes in Addicts
Why do addicts have difficulty connecting emotionally with others, even those they love? The answer lies in the changes that take place in the brain during addiction. According to a study in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, addiction is characterized by a shift in dopamine activity that alters the way the brain processes reward. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward, and it is essential to the healthy functioning of the brain’s reward system. However, repeated drug or alcohol use can alter the levels of dopamine in the brain. This can lead to decreased responsiveness to natural rewards like social interaction or feelings of pleasure from everyday activities that are essential for building emotional connections with others.
The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) also states that addiction can change the way our brains function, making it more challenging to build and maintain healthy relationships. As addiction progresses, the brain becomes less responsive to social interaction. This can lead to social isolation, which in turn can make addiction more challenging to overcome.
The bottom line is that addiction changes the way the brain processes reward, making it more challenging to connect with others emotionally. This can create significant challenges in maintaining healthy relationships, especially for those who love an addict.
Expert Opinions on Addiction and Relationships
It’s not just science that confirms the difficulties of maintaining healthy relationships with someone struggling with addiction. Experts in addiction and mental health also acknowledge the challenges. For example, addiction specialist Dr. Howard Wetsman explains, “When an addict tells you they love you, they mean it at that moment. But addicts are self-centered, by definition, because the disease compels them to focus on their own needs. This self-centeredness makes it difficult for them to build lasting relationships.”
Counselor and therapist Sharon Martin adds, “Addiction causes dysfunction in relationships. It can cause a lack of trust, safety, and nurturance. Addiction can create a stressful home environment and lead to financial problems, legal issues, and destroyed relationships.”
These insights from professionals underscore the difficulties of being in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction. However, it’s essential to realize that addiction is a disease rather than a choice. The challenges faced by an addict’s partner are not a result of personal failings, but rather the devastating impact of the disease.
The Devastating Effects of Addiction on Relationships
Addiction can have far-reaching and painful consequences for both the addict and their partner. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), over 19 million adults in the U.S. struggle with addiction, which can lead to broken relationships, mental health issues, and financial struggles.
Partners of addicts may also experience long-term emotional trauma, including anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. They may struggle to regain a sense of safety and security in the relationship, even when their loved one enters recovery. The trauma of being in a relationship with an addict can impact every facet of their lives, and it’s essential to acknowledge and seek help to heal these wounds.
The message is clear: addiction can have devastating effects on relationships and prevent addicts from being capable of love. It is a disease that needs real and effective interventions to break free.
A Compassionate Approach
While the challenges of being in a relationship with an addict are immense, taking a compassionate approach can help partners cope with these challenges. It’s essential to understand that addiction is a disease, and those struggling with addiction need support to overcome it. It’s also crucial to take care of your mental and emotional well-being while in a relationship with an addict.
Understanding addiction as a disease means seeing help from a counselor or therapist who understands addiction’s impact on relationships. According to Sharon Martin, “Counseling can help partners of addicts better understand the addiction, find healthy ways to cope, improve communication, set boundaries, and manage their emotions.”
Another important step for coping with the difficult emotions of being in a relationship with an addict is self-care. This means taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, such as eating a healthy diet, getting enough rest, exercising regularly, and taking time for yourself. It also means setting boundaries and advocating for your needs while also being supportive of your loved one’s recovery.
Finally, taking a compassionate approach to your loved one’s addiction means recognizing and celebrating their successes in recovery. Recovery is a difficult journey, and every small step counts. Being supportive and understanding of their struggles, while also holding them accountable for their actions, can help them overcome their addiction and heal relationships in the long-term.
Conclusion
Being in a relationship with an addict can be emotionally challenging and overwhelming, but understanding the science and realities of addiction can help partners cope with these challenges. Personal experiences, scientific studies, expert opinions, and available resources establish that addiction is not a choice, but a disease. Addiction can change the way the brain processes pleasure and reward, making it challenging to connect with others emotionally. It can have a detrimental impact on relationships, leading to social isolation, financial difficulties, emotional trauma, and more.
However, taking a compassionate approach can help both partners in the relationship navigate these challenges. Seeking help from a therapist or counselor who understands addiction is essential. Practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and celebrating small successes in recovery are also essential steps in supporting an addicted loved one.
Being in a relationship with an addict can be incredibly difficult, but it’s important to remember that it is possible to cope with the challenges and provide support to those that seek recovery. It’s time to start a conversation about addiction, its impact, and how families and friends can help.